Friday, March 22, 2013

Personal principle and ideology are privileges of a free society. However, these privileges must be held in balance with respect, diplomacy, and ultimately compromise for a free society to remain as such.

~ Dean Christensen

Thursday, March 14, 2013


My wife and I have a longstanding and ongoing "discussion" about the merits of keeping, let's call it, a gasoline log. For twenty-one years of marriage (not sure how many years before), my wife has maintained meticulous records of fuel-ups. Each and every time her car is filled up, she enters all associated fuel-up information (date, amount, cost per gallon, overall tank cost, and station location) in her little black ledger book. And to be solidly fair, she will also enter the date of a oil change as well.

As for this guy, I prefer to only track oil changes or maintenance in my little black ledger book. If I had one that is. But in theory, this is what I would do if and when I get around to purchasing one of those.

How about you?

Do you have any OCD, or maybe it's nicer to say, "O" behaviors you're willing to own up to?

Monday, March 11, 2013


Email Regurginet:

So, is this actually the "mood of the nation"? With the  Dow Jones Industrial Average reaching an all-time record high, unemployment hitting it's lowest number since early 2008, and a cautious but steady recovery of the U.S. housing market, why is Lady Liberty so freaked out? 

Or does your reaction to this witty Liberty photo depend largely on your political perception?

What's your take?



Friday, March 8, 2013


So here's a typical example of what some would consider a witty "anti-gun control gun control" image floating around on FB and email forwards. Personally, I believe these propaganda pieces are simply designed to illicit a dramatic emotional association with a horrible moment in human history. In this case, implying that "gun control or gun control legislation" of any type (?) is akin to the time period leading up to the Hitler's Nazi revolution.

So, here's a question for you. Among all industrialized (advanced) countries in the world, how many have strict gun control laws? Here's two for consideration - Australia and Japan. And what's the correlation between strict gun-control policies and a countries' likelihood to slip into a "Hitler / Nazi" type regime? Or are creators of pictures like these cherry picking information for the sake of making a sensationalized point? Or looking at it from a different angle, are there countries with liberal gun ownership laws that are genuinely repressive regimes? i.e. Middle East

Reasonable or irrational?

What's your take?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

NEVER hide in a culvert‏...

This "culvert" thing must be a southern term? Being from the northwest and now the southwest, I've never heard of a culvert. Regardless, the following findings by the Texas Power & Light crew are freakishly amazing.

Hallettsville Airport:

The Alligator was 18' 2" long. The rattlesnake roundup totaled 87.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 

 4. A dog's parents never visit. 

 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 

 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 

 7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 

 8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

 9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

 10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

 11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

 12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

 13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:
 14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Police (Tidy-Whitey) Prank

It's April 1st. And on this special day of "foolishness", I've decided to finally post this disturbing television prank. I assume it will leave you feeling as awkwardly uncomfortable as it did me. Or maybe you're a little more at peace with your inner "tidy whitey"?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


(What do you mean, "gross"! OK, so it is kind of gross. But haven't you ever wondered? Well actually, me neither. But still, it's like a car wreck, it might be disturbing but you still have to look. And after all, you might learn something. Something you just assumed not know?)

What is poop made of?
About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Of course, this
value is highly variable - the water content of diarrhea is much
higher, and the amount of water in poop that has been retained
(voluntarily or otherwise) is lower. Water is absorbed out of fecal
material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer a turd
resides inside before emerging, the drier it will be. Of the
remaining portion of the turd, about 1/3 is composed of dead
bacteria. These microcorpses come from the  intestinal garden of
microorganisms that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another
1/3 of the turd mass is made of stuff that we find indigestible, like
cellulose, for instance. This indigestible material is
called "fiber," and is useful in getting the turd to move along
through the intestine, perhaps because it provides traction. The
remaining portion of the turd is a mixture of fats such as
cholesterol, inorganic salts like phosphates, live bacteria, dead
cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine, and protein.

Why does poop stink?
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria
produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole,
skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide.
These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.

Why is poop brown?
The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the
breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. The actual
metabolic pathway of bilirubin and its byproducts in the body is very
complicated, so we will simply say that a lot of it ends up in the
intestine, where it is further modified by bacterial action. But the
color itself comes from iron. Iron in hemoglobin in red blood cells
gives blood its red color, and iron in the waste product bilirubi
gives rise to its brown color.

What other colors of poop are possible?
Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise
under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding
ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially
digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or
split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies
give them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue
poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a
concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense
red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly
colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may
be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright
yellow kernels of corn. One can experience white poop after consuming
a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper
gastrointestinal tract.

Why do dogs eat poop?
Many animals eat poop on a regular basis. These include rabbits,
rodents, gorillas, many insects such as dung beetles and flies, and
yes, dogs. (Keep that in mind the next time a dog wants to lick you!)
Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents eat their own poop because
their diet of plants is hard to digest efficiently, and they have to
make two passes at it to get everything out of the meal. This is
equivalent to a cow chewing its cud; only cows are able to re-eat
their food without having to poop it out first. Another reason why
animals eat poop is that poop contains vitamins produced by their
intestinal bacteria. The animal is unable to absorb the vitamins
through the intestinal wall, but can get at them by eating the poop.
Another reason that animals such as dogs eat poop is that poop
contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of
cat poop because cat poop is high in protein. I had a friend with a
dog and a cat, and he never had to clean the kitty litter. The dog
took care of it.

Are there people who eat poop?
Yes, we all have, at one point or another. One of the main ways that
diseases and parasites spread is through the consumption of food and
water contaminated with feces. This happens because people don't wash
their hands carefully after pooping or changing a diaper or
scratching their butt. It can also happen through careless disposal
of diapers. Our microbiologist here on Guam says that one dirty
diaper in Tumon Bay can send the bacteria count through the ceiling.

But of course, what you want to know is, are there people who eat
poop on purpose? Again, the answer is yes. Some autistic children
practice coprophagy, the ingestion of feces. Coprophagy is also
listed as an unusual sexual practice in the encyclopedia of that
name. I have known only one person who ate poop on purpose, and she
only did it once, when she was about four years old. She says she was
curious about what it tasted like. When asked what poop does taste
like, she replies, "About like you'd expect." By the way, for all of
you who are wondering, the author of this page does NOT eat poop.

Can you get sick from eating poop?
Yes, you can definitely get sick from eating poop, even in minute
quantities! Although urine emerges sterile from the body (unless the
person has an infection), poop emerges loaded with bacteria and
sometimes other life forms. Many diseases, including food poisoning,
cholera and typhus, are spread by fecal contamination. Many
parasites, such as the notorious tapeworm, can be spread through
deliberate or accidental ingestion of poop. There are some parasites,
such as pinworms, which depend on people eating their own poop to
keep the population up. Pinworms are small nematodes that live in the
colon. The females emerge from the anus at night to lay their eggs.
Their activity makes the anal area itch. The person scratches the
itch (often doing so in his sleep), procuring a small amount of fecal
matter and eggs under his fingernails, and then puts his fingers in
his mouth. Once the eggs are consumed, the person is infected with a
new generation of pinworms. I have read that almost everyone has
pinworms. Luckily, pinworms don't do much harm. You only notice them
if you have a lot of pinworms! If you want to find out if you do
indeed have them, get someone to gently touch around your anal area
with Scotch tape while you are sleeping. The worms will stick to the
tape and you'll be able to see them.

Do most people wipe their leftover poop standing up or while sitting
on the pot, and are there gender differences?
This isn't really scientific, but I did a quick survey, and everyone
asked (including both males and females) said that they wipe sitting
down. There was even a reason provided: that sitting down spreads the
cheeks apart and makes access easier. This survey was done on Guam,
and Guam is technically part of the United States, and most people
here probably use American toilet habits. However, if you travel a
bit, you will discover that people deal with leftover poop in
different ways in other parts of the world. In Europe, for example,
that water fountain in the bathroom isn't for drinking. It's a bidet
for hosing off after using the toilet. In Southeast Asia, you don't
sit on the toilet at all. The toilet is a low, porcelain-lined
trench, and the user squats over it. Next to the toilet is a bin of
water. You scoop water out of the bin with your left hand and use
that to cleanse yourself. You aren't supposed to use your left hand
for any other purpose.

How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop
it out in whole kernels? Corn poop is one of the greatest mysteries
in life. I grew up pondering the same question. This is what I think
is happening: When we chew corn, the outer coating slips off the
inner kernel. This outer yellow coating is almost entirely cellulose,
and is indigestible. It passes through the gut untouched, and
emerges looking like a whole kernel, although it is mostly just the
outer skin. The inside of the kernel is starchy and digestible, and
that is the part that we succeed in chewing up.

Is there any way to prevent corn from getting in your poop?
I know of only one way - don't eat corn!

How does poop stay together, like in links?
In humans, soft poop is really one long, mostly continuous sausage
before it comes out. It gets its "link" look because we tend to pinch
off lengths of it with the anal sphincter as the poop emerges. If a
person pinches hard enough, the poop separates into several turd
units. If the person doesn't pinch that hard, the turds may stay
connected. If you can remain sufficiently relaxed, you can produce an
awesomely long poop that will coil up inside the toilet.

Why does some poop float?
Floaters are turds that have an unusually high gas content. Sometimes
the gases produced by bacteria in our gut don't have a chance to
collect into a large fart bubble, but remain dispersed in the feces.
The poop then comes out foamy, and has a lower density than water.

What causes the burning sensation sometimes associated with poop?
This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related
spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active
all the way through one's gastrointestinal system. These oils can
also generate hot farts.

Why does some poop hurt when it comes out?
Turds can get very large and dry if a person is constipated, causing
painful stretching of the anal opening. Pooping can also hurt if the
person has hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are engorged veins in the anal
area. A doctor once described them to me as "varicose veins of the
anus," which suggests that the valves in the veins that are supposed
to keep the blood flowing in the right direction have gotten messed
up. Pooping can also be painful if the person suffers from an anal
fissure, a tear in the tissue of the rectum.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Divorcing After 45 Years

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."  "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.  "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.  "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."  Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.  The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares .. Now what do we do for Christmas?"